Seven awkward fashion blog poses

The German word “Fremdschämen” means “the feeling of shame on someone else’s behalf; the feeling of shame for someone else who has done something embarrassing,” which perfectly describes how I feel when I see a fashion blogger use the following poses. Let’s call them

THE FREMDSCHÄMEN SHEVEN

The Pigeon-toed Pose

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A great pose for when you want your legs to appear thinner and your thigh rub to disappear, but not great if you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard.

The Jump

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I understand that “motion” photos can be an interesting addition to a style post, but I’d prefer something a bit more subtle. Actually, I would much prefer if the “landing” photo was included instead:

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The Fake Laugh

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Sometimes this pose is genuine. I know a lot of bloggers have their significant others or photographers take their photos, and they manage to capture a real reaction in the moment. But sometimes it’s just painfully obvious when a blogger pretends the camera isn’t there and they’re laughing at something off to the side.

PicMonkey Collage

Casual Starbucks Cup

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If it’s not a casual Starbucks cup in hand, then it’s a blogger wearing another damn Target “But first, coffee” t-shirt. I get it, you went in for detergent and Q-tips and left with the entire Xhilaration summer collection and a venti white mocha. You’re relatable.

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Walking Into Walls

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I just don’t get it. Is this supposed to look casual? Where are you going? Who takes a giant step across the width of a sidewalk and in the direction of a wall?

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The Model Pose

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I use my favorite bloggers as inspiration for poses, but I would never rely on fashion magazines to tell me what works for the everyday woman. I’m not into seeing Peonies & Panties try to look sexy against a wall.

Taking A Dump

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I had to take these photos in a semi-concealed place because I was most embarrassed about this photo (and the jumping oh god). I am one leg spread away from posing for my first rap album.

Dress: H&M
Jacket: American Eagle
Flats: Zara
Necklace: Weekday

I mean no offense by this post. Honestly, one scroll through my blog is enough ammo to fight me back with. I’ll even throw in one to get it started: “Your outfits are boring and your old film filter makes you look like you have jaundice.” I mean really, I once posted this photo to my blog in all seriousness:

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Good times.