This past month I have been knee-deep in German grammar rules, practice tests, flash cards and YouTube lessons in preparation for my B2 German exam I took on March 11. This is the third time I have taken a German language exam because my brain has just as much prejudice against this language as it does with Math. I mean, there are words like “Verwandtschaftsbeziehungen.” I don’t like it.
But now I am back to taking mediocre photos of my old clothes, and it feels good. I don’t have much of a spring wardrobe yet, and it will probably just be a few new pieces I add to my already existing wardrobe, as usual.
I came across this photo on Pinterest and it made me want to wear this skirt. My boyfriend and I are still in our mustard craze from last summer. We were even in Partnerlook (German word for wearing matching clothes) on this day too:
It’s pushing 60 degrees here in Germany, which means my jean jacket with a long sleeve top was perfectly acceptable. I still got confused looks from passersby about my “bare legs,” but what they don’t know is that I am living it up in nude tights. They’re seriously the best winter to spring transitional hosiery.
I wrestled with buying this skirt because I really like how it fits, but knew it would be difficult to style for fall. I’m actually trying to figure out some outfits and put them together into a YouTube video that I will finish….sometimehere it is!
Top: Forever 21
Jacket: American Eagle
Necklace: Forever 21
I recently got off my ass and made a YouTube video discussing my apple-shaped figure and shared outfits using items in my wardrobe that I find flattering for my shape:
1. A long white shirt
I have a long torso, tree stumps for legs and enough hip width to carry quintuplets. This long Zara blouse hangs low in the front and back, but has high side slits which, in my opinion, create the illusion of longer legs when viewed from the side. I like this shirt a lot solely because it conceals my Grand Canyon hips and shows the smallest parts of my legs. My body already looks like a permanent fun house mirror reflection, so why not play up the illusions?
These were a recent purchase inspired by, yet again, Wendy. I have been consistently inspired by this woman’s style despite having a completely different frame than her. But she remains one of my favorites because she combines luxury items with affordable pieces, such as these flats. A lot of people may not think a pair of 80 Euro flats are affordable, but they’re quickly paying for themselves. I can wear jeans, a striped tee and these shoes and my outfit looks more interesting than if I had just thrown on simple solid black flats. The patent leather teeters on the edge of looking bondage-y, but I like that? It’s like hey, my feet are into some weird shit man. Plus they distract from my whale hips.
4. Tra tra trench coat
This trench coat makes me feel like a straight up proper lady. I can belt this bad boy over stained pants and a BABYMETAL t-shirt to walk my dog in the morning and I look like I am on my way to an overpriced brunch date. I specifically wanted a trench with a full skirt to conceal my beer belly and, you know, the military tank I call hips. But I have to be mindful of how tight I tie the belt to avoid back fat spillage. I had to edit out a couple clips from the video because it looked like I was growing an ass on my back. Winter is over, time to start Fitness Blender again…
5. A black midi skirt
SPECIFICALLY BLACK BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT TIMELESS. Hey! Do you want to wear something that makes it look like you’re about to spin around in a field of tulips? What if that clothing item was also appropriate for work, school, church, a first date, funeral, dancing, and basically just what the fuck ever you want to do? This skirt, man. THIS SKIRT. I bought this on clearance at Banana Republic and it makes me feel so free and pretty. I’ve worn it to my office job AND to the park on the same day, and it was appropriate for both occasions. It moves with the wind but doesn’t fly up and it’s a flattering and comfortable length. No awkward hem pulling required.
6. Black jeans
Again, color specific, but I’ve learned that they pair with almost anything in my wardrobe, for any season, and for any style. This $17 pair I got at Forever 21 is in constant rotation for me, and satisfy my shifting style. They’re high-waisted, so they help create the illusion of longer, thinner legs. This is ideal for my apple-shaped body since very little about my shape is well-defined. Pair these with black booties and a shirt with a high-low hem and it looks like you have slender tree limb legs. TRUST.
This is a shallow topic, I’m aware. But I’ve become so annoyed by this “business” and the people who try to rope me in. Many are aware of those who follow hundreds of accounts, wait for those accounts to follow them back and then immediately unfollow them. Of course this is done to increase their ratio of their followers to those they follow. I understand it makes a page look more “liked” and “popular” to have 6,457 followers and only follow 224. You look like you’re influential, but you’re actually annoying.
I hate promoting myself. Sometimes I will update this blog and not mention it anywhere because I don’t want to shove it in anyone’s face. I am not trying to make a living off of this blog or pretend I have anything new or interesting to offer. I am just wearing what I like and learning about photography in the process. It’s a hobby.
But I understand that this isn’t a hobby for everyone. Bigger bloggers make a generous living off of their style and it’s an attractive option for women who want to share their wardrobe. It has even opened doors for aspiring models, photographers and graphic designers. Blogging may be a saturated medium, but it’s pleasantly fun and a simple way to make a portfolio.
But what truly pisses me off and has turned me into a friendorfollow.com user are the selfish vain people who try to build themselves up by stepping on the toes of others. Those who put their Instagram or Twitter on a pedestal and try to give the illusion that they are creative and attractive enough to deserve a large following.
What is valuable about this? My Instagram has just over 1200 followers, but that number is constantly shifting and only a handful of genuine people “like” and comment on my content. This niche is important to me, and I find interaction and feedback to be more useful and engaging. But yet bloggers use this number to fuel their worth, and companies see it as an opportunity to promote their product. I’m sorry, but those 10k followers probably don’t give a shit about what “Lipstick and Croissants” is selling.
I need to stop blabbering about this because it’s ridiculous, but it’s also almost as insulting as companies who ask me to create content for them in exchange for possible “exposure.” Sit the fuck down.
Now that I have overloaded you with images of my outfit and complained about social media hags, can I just talk about how much I love layering this crochet tank under tops? I would never wear it on its own because it’s hella sheer, but ugh, it’s my favorite addition to a blouse or sweater.
Just to be clear, I stand on no moral high ground. I mean, obviously. I stood around a window for a blog post and whined about Instagram, how could this possibly be taken seriously. These are my little thoughts about a “problem” that is unbelievably insignificant. I just needed to rant.
I take my own blog photos, which results in me stomping around in my outfit looking for a decent place to stand around and snap photos. My equipment simply consists of a tripod, my DSLR and a small remote. To me, this is minimal and harmless but to my neighbors it is “OMG ARE YOU AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT TAKING PHOTOS OF OUR HOMES AND POSTING OUR ADDRESS ONLINE AND EXPLOITING OUR CHILDREN?!”
Okay, maybe not that entirely, but it’s what I thought the past couple of times a concerned neighbor questioned me while setting up for blog photos. The common theme was, “Are you working for the city and taking photos of our homes?”
And my camera was facing this background:
No, no I am not. I am facing a tall fence covered in leaves, not the inside of Frau Müller’s Badezimmer, nor her brick-framed address number.
And now my face, not your street name nor your children.
Are these bricks in the ground giving away too much information too? Will someone be able to figure out the exact coordinates of your tacky yellow house and rock garden?
I’m a little bitter.
Let’s observe this vanilla-ass outfit too. Oma’s oatmeal sweater, a c/o dress I’m wearing as a top because my body is currently a lava lamp, a basic blanket scarf I bought because it’s warm and was cheap as hell at Primark and a pair of black booties I have been wearing since Morning Ink’s conception.
My boyfriend and his parents assured me that people are taking advantage of the refugee situation as a chance to question anything suspicious in their area. Fine, I get that, especially after the sexual assaults in Köln on New Year’s. However, we all agreed that it is foolish to stop and boldly question a young woman in normal clothes standing in front of a camera, and to then talk about it with the neighbors as if I am some domestic threat.
“We’ve seen you around the neighborhood with your camera and want to know what you’re doing.”
I am not one to assume racial profiling, but I couldn’t help but ask my German boyfriend if they’re maybe stopping to talk to me because I have dark skin and features. The only other time I dealt with racism was in Germany. Is there a chance that it’s happening again?
I’m maybe saying too much and jumping to outrageous conclusions, but I am now just as suspicious of them as they are of me.
Moses kept it less douchey with a tunic instead of my try-hard turtleneck. He also accessorized with a sweet wooden staff and a beard. But is it a match for my tote bag and looking into the distance and pretending the camera isn’t there?
Yesterday I realized that my wardrobe has a consistent color scheme of red, dark blues and off-white. A gloomy American flag, really.
“I wear the same colors,” I said, examining the few items I had brought to Germany. Beneath my stack of egg white sweaters and buried in my curtains of maroon I realized that I also owned one forest green sweater and this bright blue scarf I recently received from my aunt at my going away party. I tried on this scarf with several outfits, trying to fit it into this monotonous color scheme I had decided on for myself.
My skin tone is supposed to be complemented by jewel tones, but I find myself unable to work with them. I often admire mustard-colored or emerald pieces, but I stay away from them because my skin is also rather olive. I would just look like a Greek salad.
Top: Zara (similar)
Jeans: American Eagle
Boots: Urban Outfitters
Ring: Rebecca Minkoff
I kept my outfit neutral, because this scarf should stand alone. Does this work? Is it too bright? It’s so ridiculous how much a scarf can just make me question my wardrobe, and why I only seem to buy and wear certain colors. Do you do that?
Germany is finally getting cold. Hope you’re looking forward to that stack of egg white sweaters I mentioned. Such great content. Follow me now for more egg fun.